I'll Be Alright

"High up above, aliens hover, taking home movies for the folks back home, of all these weird creatures who lock up their spirits drill holes in themselves and live for their secrets." - Subterranean Homesick Alien : Radiohead

Moving On

I'm ready to move on. Two weeks came and went.

It Is What It Is

I wouldn't change my life for any other. I don't want to be Bill Gates, or Thom Yorke, or anybody else. However I would like to change some aspects of my life but I'm not sure if that's going to be for the better. For example, when everything is going good in my life, my creativity suffers. But the minute things start going bad, my creativity soars. I don't want to be that cliché of a person, you know; the miserable artist. But it just happens that it works that way for me. I've been alright for the last two weeks or so and I haven't been able to be creative like I want to, but now things are getting, well, not alright, and my creativity is just all over the place. I'm glad for that, but is it possible to have a normal life and be creative also? Because if it is, then I don't want to know about it.

P.S. So many things on that list, I miss adding stuff to it.

My Problem

I figured out my problem. I've been waiting for inspiration while I should be searching for it. That's one less problem I have to worry about.

Break - UPDATED

Not that anybody is reading these posts but in case someone is, let me tell you that I'll be concentrating on music for the next 3 weeks, so this will be my last post until then.

In the mean time, help yourself to the songs on my music player, and the podcasts on my other player down below.

So long!

UPDATE: 8/29 - I decided to concentrate on photography instead of music.  I will continue updating the blog about the photos I'm taking.  Cheers!

Weather

Every day I open my iGoogle and I see San Antonio's 5 day forecast. Usually on Monday and Tuesday it lists Friday or Saturday with a high of 95 degrees, but when it actually gets to those days, it's always 100 or more. I can't wait for the cooler weather to arrive. That's when I'm at my best; when it's cold and, do to the daylight savings time, dark by 6:30 PM.

Last November I posted a post on Ruta Maya, an excellent coffee shop in downtown San Antonio that I visited every week for about 6 weeks. Soon after I wrote that post, the place closed down. They used to be the perfect afternoons; hot coffee, excellent food, nice environment, good conversations, and cold--maybe not cold but cooler weather. I need to find another place like that.

The memories, the memories: they're always with me.

Un abrazo.

J~

Tuesday 8/25

I was hoping to get a call today. Didn't happen.

Current Shows

Yesterday I posted a list of shows I used to watch 15 to 20 years ago. Now here are some of the shows I currently watch.

Two Weeks

Looking forward to what the day will bring.

20 Years

On August 14th, I celebrated 20 years of living in the U.S.  Here is a small collection on shows I used to watch when I first moved here.















Thanks to these shows, I was able to learn English.

J~

Weekend 8/22/2009

This is just a recap of my weekend for the people that are not following me on Facebook. On Friday I went to The Cove and had a bison burger...again. It was delicious. It was around 7:30 PM and it was HOT! I'm really getting annoyed by San Antonio's heat. If it keeps being this hot, I'll have no choice but to move somewhere else, maybe Oxford England....yeah right. After dinner, I went to the movies, but nothing of interest was showing at the time I got there, so I went back home. Later that night, my friend asked me to go with him to a "hole-in-the-wall" place where his cousin was playing an acoustic set. Turned out that the place was a bar and it was....well...a "hole-in-the-wall" bar. The last two songs from a two person band called Tell The Tale were pretty good. The rest of the bands not so good. My friend's cousin's music was eclectic, interesting stuff, maybe the kind of music that grows on you. After that, I went to my friends house because he forgot that he had picked me up and I didn't say anything. So then after a while he took me home. I went straight to bed after a very long day.

Next morning, I woke up, but was too tired, so I went back to sleep. Then woke up and went to the store to buy some music. I got Sigur Ros' Takk and their latest CD called Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust (they're from Iceland).Their music is cool.  I started to listen to their album Takk about two months ago, and I've grown to appreciate their music in a special way. A lot has happened to me in the last two months both good and bad, but now every time I hear that album, it will remind me of those times, which is not necessary a bad thing.  Nothing much happened on Saturday.

Sunday, I woke up and debated whether to take a shower or not.  I decided that due to the San Antonio heat, it would be a good idea to take one, so I did.  I was on YouTube trying to find a tutorial on how to properly play Radiohead's House of Cards on the guitar, and I found a very good tutorial.  There was just one small problem: I needed a capo.  So I went and got one (and a pack of picks) and went through the tutorial and was able to play the song.  I first heard this song in October of 2007 when In Rainbows, Radiohead 7th album, came out.  I guess I just didn't get the song, or what, but I can say it was my least favorite song from that album. But this song grew on me, and then I finally got it and now it is one of my favorites.  The song is sung from the point of view of a man.  He's asking a woman to forget her house of cards, which would be another term for a dying relationship, and he'll do the same.  Then he goes on to sing "denial, denial," maybe the woman doesn't want to acknowledge that she's living in a house of cards.  Anyway, I got to learn the right way of playing the song and I spent the rest of the day practicing it.  Maybe I'll make a video of me singing it...nah.

Right now, I'm getting ready to go to sleep after an interesting weekend.  My daughter's first day of school is tomorrow...wait it is today, and there are all kinds of emotions going on within me.  She's growing up and I'm in "denial, denial" waiting to see what's going to happen to my house of cards.

Thanks for reading.

Jesse

Time Travel

I wish I had a time-travel machine so I could go back, handle things different, and still have you as a friend.  Then again, we're the result of all our decisions whether good or bad--we're accidents waiting to happen. Here's a song by Radiohead that makes me think about someone trying to help a friend, but they're too consumed in their past (or present) that they're not willing to listen.  It could be that they're so used to, and to a certain point, comfortable with  the way things are, that they miss out on the opportunities that life brings them. 

In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape
Broken branches trip me as I speak
Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there
Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there

There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Steer away from these rocks
We'd be a walking disaster
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there
(There's someone on your shoulder)
(There's someone on your shoulder)

Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there
(There's someone on your shoulder)
(There's someone on your shoulder)

There there!

Why so green and lonely?
And lonely
And lonely

Heaven sent you to me
To me
To me

We are accidents
Waiting, waiting to happen

We are accidents
Waiting, waiting to happen

The Eraser

Cool lyrics from Thom Yorke's The Eraser:

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more I try to erase you
The more, the more
The more that you appear

J~

Thanks

Thank you destiny for showing me what my life could have been.  I hope you give me another chance someday.

J~

Denial

Denial, denial.  Your ears should be burning.

To Remember

Do you know how hard it is to not be able to write what you truly want to write.  I think that's the reason my posts haven't been long or with much substance.  I'm merely just trying to fill up these posts with nonsense but in fact, I should be writing what I truly want to write...but I can't.

J~

Don't Want To Say It

It's almost 7:00 PM.  I want to get an early start on this post.  I got home about an hour ago, and I have been trying to get some rest.  All day I had an allergy headache, so imagine that, plus very little sleep I had last night, plus having a lot on my mind, plus....I don't want to say it. 

Well, it's now 7:00 PM and I can't think of anything to say.  Plus I'm getting really sleepy, and I need to rest.  I leave you with part of the lyrics from Radiohead's song titled No Surprises.

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired, unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take the quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises 

Silent
Silent

Talk to you tomorrow....

Festival

About an hour into my work day my PC crashed and wasn't able to bring it back to normal.  That incident kind of messed up my whole day to the point that I'm a little bit exhausted.  Right now I'm listening to Sigur Rós and thinking what to write on this post.   I wish I could write everything that I'm thinking, but now's not the time.  Eventually I'll write everything I want to say.  And just like that, I'm out of words.

Good night.

P.S. In case you're wondering the name of the song I'm listening to, it is "Festival" by Sigur Rós. A very sad and uplifting song.



P.S.S.  Did I mention that my heart is aching?

One Week

Do to the nature of my full time job, I pay too much attention to details.  However, when my creative side wants to do something, there's a constant struggle between my left and right sides of my brain.  The right side wants to create, while the left wants to question everything.  Why am I saying all this?  Well, because I want to be able to write more posts on this blog, I want to write more music, and be more creative in all aspects of my life.  It seems like my left side has a hold on me for now. 

I don't know why I wrote this, I guess I want to start by writing little blurbs of information here so that eventually my left side will give up questioning everything and I can start being more creative. 

On a side note, since I re-bought my copy of OK Computer on Sunday, I've been listening to it in my car, especially at night.  It's amazing what music does to me.

Good night.

P.S.  I originally wanted this post to be longer, but my left side of the brain is working overtime tonight.  

We Are Not As Strong

Today I have been thinking of a Rich Mullins song that starts like this....

Well, it took the hand of God Almighty
To part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie
To separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are...

And they say that one day Joshua
Made the sun stand still in the sky
But I can't even keep these thoughts of you from passing by
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are 

And the Master said their faith was
Gonna make them mountains move
But me, I tremble like a hill on a fault line
Just at the thought of how I lost you
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

I'm not sure why this song has been on my mind.   I guess it's time for me to go to sleep.  Good night.

Aug-17-2009

I've been home-alone doing pretty much nothing except thinking.  Something new is about to start, I hope for my sake, that it works this time.  I'm still confused and consumed with questions. I wonder how long I'm going to feel like this.

Please Forget Me

Please do.

For Those Who Care

For those who care to know about me, I haven't been recording much music.  I haven't been taking many pictures.  I haven't been writing any stories.   I haven't been reading any books.  I haven't been dreaming like I used to.  I haven't been myself.   The only thing I have been doing is not doing anything at all.  This is not a cry for attention, but rather a way for me to deal with reality. It only took one wrong move to bring this wall I call my life down to the ground.  Now is time to gather the unbroken pieces, and try to rebuild my life again. 

The End is Near
Words by Jesse Acosta

Hold my hand and don't look back
The machines have flown away
This is not what I had planned
I thought I had it right

It's too late here comes the cold
I'm sorry for your loss
Was that you or was that I
That said "There is no God"?

May all your dreams come true,

Jesse

Life Changing

I feel my life changing right before my eyes...the beginning of the end.